Love is so ugly.

” Please, I don’t know understand it, either. I mean how could he just let her go!? ” As I walked into the room, at first, I had no idea what’s going on.

As you might know, yesterday was a big day for some of the football fans. The Superbowl was on and everyone ought to get together to enjoy the party and the companionship with one another. Although I am not a big fan of either team, ( I love the Panthers and always root for them) I still had so much fun by hanging out with friends and talking to them. However, as soon as the game was over, as I was about to head home. I heard one of the siblings was crying in her room. I asked my friends to check up on her to find out what’s going on. As we went upstairs, we opened the door and asked her why she was so emotional. It turned out, she was sad because  “the girl was let go by the bachelor.” She felt so bad for her and she thought ” these two” really had great connection with each other. ” I don’t know where I can find my love if man keeps on acting this way!” she said to us.

Let’s pause for a second. Maybe some of you have no idea what I am talking about. Have you heard of one of the reality TV show called “The bachelor?” Basically,  what happens in the show is one man is seeking love by picking out one out of 27 women he meets throughout the entire season. During the short periods and various ways to know each of them. In the end, only one ought to be the bride for the groom.. And he is supposed to be happy and live with the woman for the rest of her life.  If you are still puzzled about that, just think about our shopping experience. When we step into Wal-mart, say, let’s say we buy a bottle of water. Instead of having one option, you are presented with 30 brands. You read the label and find the differences, we look at the size and examine the quality of the bottle back and forth. Finally, you walk out the door with one in your hands, and you know this is the one you like.


On the way home, I kept on asking the question: is this the way we meet women today? What kind of message does the media try to deliver to us? How do we know the one we marry to ought to be the one for goods?

First of all, I have to admit that media indeed has tremendous impact on the audience. ” entertainment only changes the way we live, also, it could change the way we perceive and understand the reality.” Says Dr. William Brown,who is the professor in Regent University. Dr. Brown has been studying Entertainment Education since early 1980s. It is true that viewers are highly engaged with the media we associate with through emotional as well as psychological connection.  Just like my friend’s sister,  as she was watching the show, she had great sympathy and sorrow for the characters in the show. She thought he might never find her true love if ” man keeps on acting the same as bachelor.”  I am sure she is only one of us who are emotionally attached to the media. To some extend, when we are exposed to media for too long, it is getting harder and harder to differentiate reality and ” TV reality.” One of the purposes to entertainment is to help us to alleviate the pressure from life. Just like traveling, hiking as well as play sports, watching TV is another way to allow us to feel relaxed after intensive work.

Second, let’s talk about the meaning of finding love. Since I was a child, my mom always tells me to treasure the people around us. As I am getting older, I start to ask the question on finding ” true relationship” Traditionally, my mom tells me to listen to my heart. She believes whenever we are in love, ” our hearts” will know it first. After giving my life to Christ, I learnt totally different ways to find love. The woman I love ought to love the Lord first. No matter where she comes from and her family background, as long as she is willing to be dedicated in this relationship, that’s good enough for me.  I know some of you might ask  : what about her looks? Chinese-looking? or Blond? To tell the truth,  beauty is part of the consideration for most of us. Scientifically speaking, male and female tend to decide on the duration of the relationship based on the looking of the people they meet. However,  outer appearance should not be the only factor which causes us to fall in  love.  Pastor in my church once said, ” the woman who is beautiful inside will never worry about wearing make-up. Because her true beauty will draw people closer than anything.”

Come back to the show,   I guess what I am trying to say is ” Bachelor” indeed distorted the meaning of finding true love. There are numerous reasons why we ought to stay way from the entertainment like this,  it will pollute the way we see the people as well as the society. If we examine what happens in the show closely, many things just don’t seem right.  First of all, when I see the bachelor hand out the roses to the ladies whom he decide to keep around, and the sad tears from the ones who didn’t get the roses, the first thought come to my mind is : does he really know them? How does one person knows 27 women within short moment? If we can know someone ought to be the person we want to marry in a few minutes, what’s the point of dating? Why don’t we just get on the bus and  start to talk to people?! Second, what kind of attitude we have towards women today? When we are seeking love or long-term relationship, we should know there will be ups and downs  in the long run. Not lie in the show, 27 candidates get jealous of each other, because the bachelor spends more time on one person than others. Or women become insecure about themselves, mainly, they don’t have the chance to talk to ” the bachelor.” What I am trying to say is women and men should be equal in a relationship.  the determining factor of sustainability of one relationship ought to be shoulder by both partners. Relationship is not dictatorship. Just because the man doesn’t think it is gonna work out, so the woman should give up as well.  If the relationship is based on competition and losing morality, what’s the point of having one?

Last week, I remember talking about “love” from the biblical standpoint. In the book of 1Corinthians, Jesus shows us the meaning of love and how to love someone. Just because the entertainment does not inform us the right methods to find and sustain relationship, that  does not give us the reason to believe there are no other ways. Truly, everyone is created beautiful and talented in various ways. However, we enjoy watching someone being picked up or degraded by some random person on TV, that makes the viewers believe that love is supposed to be “cruel and unjust”. Not only it brings detrimental impact on individual, also it changes the paces of the society.

So, next time, if you turn on the TV and “some bachelor” just happens to ” choose ladies,” do me a favor. Turn it off and remind yourself: They don’t know what they are doing!”


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